Saturday, October 31, 2015


Chapter 2

Illustration by : Axelord

Goes by the handle Anonymous on 4chan
Part 1

Jasmine explained what she knew about the world to John. The place they just left was Dominaria, the nation of magic. A small part of the population are fully qualified mage, but most of the them are able to utilize simple spells such as ‘magic light’ or ‘tinder’.

In contrast, Jasmine was from O├║terhaven, a people less gifted in magic. They made do with gadgets and inventions, such as the Pouchicube Jasmine showed John earlier.

“What about time magic? Can someone stop time, or go forward or backwards in time?”

Jasmine pondered momentarily before answering.

“According to legends, there are mages who could utilize time space magic and move from one place to another in a blink of an eye, supposedly stopping time when they moved. Time traveling is theoretically possible, but could not be done due to physical restrictions. Scientifically speaking, it would require a flux capacitance device powered by astronomical level of energy, and reaching the speed of 88 miles per hour.”

“Interesting. What about language translation?”

Jasmine scowled as she replied:

“If two languages are too different in structure, it won’t work. It will just produce a mangled mess with most of the meaning gone. There are times when the meaning are preserved, but not enough to piece together a coherent passage.”

“So it is only helpful in translating words or short phrases huh. Look, a village.”

John parked his truck in the woods and search his bag. He had some snacks and instant ramen with him, but he wanted to save them. He wondered what he can trade with the village for food.

Jasmine looked curiously as John took out the items. All the items were fascinating to her, but she noticed John hesitating when he took out a short metallic stick.

“I have two nail clippers… this should do. Jasmine, do you think this is worth anything?”

John started trimming his nails to show her how it works. He then filed his nails awkwardly to show off the other function of the clipper.

Looking at the clipper with a serious face, Jasmine made her offer.

“I will… pay 1 silver coin for this.”

“Hmmm… How many meals can you buy with 1 silver?”

“About thirty? One meal is about 3 bronze coins.”

John looked at the clipper again. He forgot how much it cost, probably half a meal worth? He had a spare, so he didn’t mind.


The gleeful Jasmine took the clipper and handed a silver coin over. She started trimming the edge of her nails and filing them carefully.

“I don’t think both of us need to go. How about just one of us go? I will thumb wrestle you for it.”

Jasmine seemed surprised at the suggestion.


“Well, it’s a game where you try to hold down the opponent’s thumb with yours for ten second. Come on, let’s try it, it will be fun.”

Jasmine blushed and looked at John abashedly. She then nodded shyly.

“Be, be gentle okay?”

She then stuck out her tongue and waited expectantly.

John was confused for a moment and realized what was wrong.

“Hahaha, I mean thumb, the stubby finger on your hand, not tongue! How do you even tongue wrestle? Hahahaha!!”

In response, Jasmine looked at John with cold eyes. It was a stare that would chill any man to the bone, and make them rethink their approach prudently.

“Sorry… I’m err… going to get something to eat.”

Leaving Jasmine alone to file her nails, John took the keys and headed towards the village with the silver coin in hand. The village was medieval in fashion, something you can see in a renaissance fair. However, the only weird thing was that the villagers looked Japanese. John entered a building that looked exactly like a tavern in his mind.

♦ ♦ ♦

The first thing he saw was a bear. Wearing a monocle and a top hat.

John rubbed his eyes and looked again, realizing he was mistakened. The bear he saw was actually a burly gentleman standing before him. His face was covered by thick facial hair and his accent was thick when he spoke.

“Growl (Greetings my good sir, are you perchance a traveler stopping by this humble village?)”

John wasn’t sure what he just heard, but the burly gentlemen’s grunt and gestures communicated his intent just fine. The gentleman then handed John a pebble, which he took absentmindedly.


“I see, nice to meet you too, Sir Burlington. I came here to get a meal, and I will be on my way right after.”


“Yes, I have something like a carriage and is heading towards O├║terhaven. I suppose I could give you a ride, I don’t think my companion will mind.

The burly gentleman then ushered John to a table and signalled to a waitress.

“Yes Mr Bearington, one set meal for the gentleman and one set meal to go.”


“Sure, I will just call you Baird then. I’m John Sene, just call me John. That’s two fine warhammer you have there. One of them is a spare?”


“Wow, a rogue dual wielding warhammers? And prestige class as a spy? You have to be the world’s most interesting man, Baird.”

Chatting with Sir Baird Bearington while waiting for his food, John thought about Jasmine. She was energetic, smart but weird like all other girls. He wouldn’t mind a girlfriend like that, but now wasn’t the time for that.

Suddenly, John realized he missed the chance to kiss Jasmine.

As he listened to the amazing story of Baird’s path to knighthood, John screams internally.

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  1. this is a very interesting and very funny story it makes no sense then puts everything together all so it can go back to making no sense.

  2. Edification for the enlightened:

  3. Such an articulate gentleman.


  4. "Suddenly, John realized he missed the chance to kiss Jasmine."
    Yep she wanted it.

  5. John Sene and DnD memes. The jokes are on point

  6. TONGUE WRESTLING!!! We should totally start that trend xD This mini series is why I keep coming back to this site for^^

  7. It's Back to the F*cking **Lorean Future!
    How nostalgic!

  8. This is the funniest story I've ever read!