Saturday, April 1, 2017

Annual April Fool post

There has been an April Fool's post every year since the inception of this blog, so here it is.
Since it's a joke post, not too much effort had been put into it, but I can't be too relaxed about it either.

“And so, it’s just sausage with ketchup right?”

The black blob of slime said dismissively, her voice sounded unimpressed.

Her companion, a goat headed gentleman was quick to correct her.


Taken aback, the slime blurted out quizzically:

“Who’s that, Ulbert?”

After adjusting his monocle, Ulbert shook his finger at the slime, as if he was lecturing a student.

“Not just ketchup, my dear Bukubukuchagama. It’s Heinz-sama, the most exquisite tomato sauce there is. It is a terrible slight to not address it as sama. Sasuga, Heinz-sama.”

Bukubukuchagama placed her two stumps of an arms where her waist should be, as if she was tired of Ulbert’s nonsense.

“I am not going to use honorifics on your stupid tomato brand. What Sasuga? Some chunni Pokemon you caught?”

Ulbert clicked his tongue, as if it was a waste of time.

“It’s the proper name of a long piece of meat made by the German corporation Ger7Bra1, usually served together with bun as a hotdog. It is similar to the peasant’s sausages. You should know how it looks, given how many of them you sucked to get your voice actress roles.”

Bukubukuchagama groaned indignantly, and protested:

“I only sucked three…!”

“Woah woah time out!”

Perorochino, a bird shaped man interjected hurriedly. But he was too late.

Ulbert said with a scoff:

“Three huh. That’s less than I imagined.”

Bukubukuchagama’s tone suddenly dropped an octave as she yelled angrily:

“Enough with your sausage and ketcup bull shit! If you like them so much, just make an NPC that keep parroting ‘sausage ketchup’ all day then!”

Perorochino covered his face with one wing. Ulbert smirked and retorted:

“Get it right. It should be…”

Ulbert swing his arm in a wide arc, as if he was making a grandiose entrance.

‘...Sasuga, Heinz-sama’.”

“Sasuga, Ainz-sama.”

“You flatter me, Demiurge. I merely severed the strings of that mannequin.”

Ainz said dismissively. Demiurge adjusted his glasses, and proceeded to expand on his observation.

“Fufu, Ainz-sama, I am touched by your humbleness. But your display of intellect in cutting off the opponent’s control instead of wasting effort on the doll was magnificent. The face that uncouth puppeteer made still amused me. Especially that moment when he collapsed like a puppet that had its strings cut himself, after witnessing his mannequin fall when its strings got severed.”

Ainz looked pleased by Demiurge’s observation as he stroked his skeletal face regally.

“Erm *Ahem*, yes, that’s what I was trying to do. Well done Demiurge, you are indeed my best son. Oh, tell me about your plans for the Holy Kingdom.”

Demiurge appeared moved and humbled by Ainz’ praise. After spending some time to compose himself, Demiurge answered his master’s query.

“Thank you, Ainz-sama, I am humbled by your compliments. As you already know, the Holy Kingdom is in a state of constant strife, and the people are yearning for peace. Ever since they elected their so-called ‘God Emperor’ who promised to make the Dragonic Kingdom pay for the wall they are building, their government had been a laughingstock. Their citizenry are still confused about how such a buffoon got elected. Little do they know…”

Demiurge produced a petite toy figure with strings tied to its limbs before continuing,

“They are just puppets dancing to the requiem of Nazarick.”

Ainz nodded in deep contemplation.

“If not for us, that buffoon will fall like a puppet with its strings cut.”

Demiurge smiled and released his hold onto the strings, allowing the doll to tumble onto the ground, like a puppet with its strings cut.

“And just as you planned, they will get the peace they yearn for so much.”

Feeling that he had heard enough, Ainz stood up regally and said:

“Carry on my wayward son. There will be peace when you are done.”

“Lay your weary head to rest, don’t you cry no more.”

Narberal soothed Pandora Actor who was sobbing on her lap.

“He called him his best son! But I am his real son!”

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